Boobs

Boobs, every one has them, and some are bigger than others. But can we live without them? Women use them to feed their babies (if they so choose and are able to do so), men, well maybe these are just vestigial since they do not serve the same function as they do in women.

What would happen if we evolved into a boobless society? Women would find another way to feed their infants, and there would probably be no change for men.

Boobs can be problematic. Women worry that theirs are too small, and make them larger. For those who are blessed/cursed with extra large boobs, they can be made smaller. Women are often judged by their boobs. Some are more attractive with small ones and some are more attractive with big ones. And some are just right.

Boobs can get cancer, then need to be reduced and possibly removed. When removed, it can feel like a part of you has been taken away, an important part that can severely affect your self esteem. There are fixes for this, implants, prosthetics. But no matter what you do, you still look at yourself in the mirror and see someone who is incomplete. After a while, this feeling will go away, but for some it may be harder than others.

For, me I still have both of mine, so I cannot imaging how it feels to have only one or none. Thousands of women (my mother being one of them) deal with this every day. If society didn't put such importance on boobs would attitudes change? No one knows.

All I know is that losing any body part can be traumatic. No one wants to be incomplete and feel like a freak. Truth of the matter is, it's only a body part and it does not define who you are as a person.

Boobs or no boobs, this should not change who you are.

The Evolution of Cancer

It has now come to the point where if you are diagnosed with cancer, there are some that are better than others. My mother was just diagnosed with breast cancer after just over 15 years of remission. This time the lumps were on the other side.

Bad news: Yes, they are malignant.

Good news: One is low grade non-invasive, and the other is invasive but non-aggressive.

Either way she has cancer. The doctor said that this was not a life-threatening deal. But the fact of the matter is, she still has cancer.

The advantage these days is that cancer, although bad, does not have to be life threatening. There are enough advances in the research of cancer that they can now identify the good and the bad, and can take proper steps to treat it. My mother's doctor said that a full mastectomy should do the trick, no chemo or radiation needed. This is also good news in that my mom's immune system is already weak, I am not sure if she could take the treatments and continue her life as she knows it.

The first time she went throught this-she was still working, and relatively social, and the only thing needed was a lumpectomy. She could not go through the radiation due to abnormalities in her liver. But she kept up with her follow up's religiously and she remained cancer free for just over 15 years. It was easier the first go round, Mom was healthier and occupied, I was single and could concentrate fully on taking care of her.

This go round, mom is retired, has gone through a triple bypass and is in constant pain from rheumatoid arthritis. She just doesn't bounce back like she used. I am married with a wonderful 2-year old son, so my time has to be divided between my mom and my family.

The news is relatively the same, the treatment a little more drastic, but with the same outcome. But this time it seems a lot harder to cope than before. I find myself crying more, and sometimes getting through the day can be difficult. Luckily I have not craved any cigarettes which means although I get weepy, I am handling the pressure ok. I was mad at God for a while, asking why this had to happen again. My mother has been through numerous health and personal issues, and when she became a Lola, I thought that this was her time to be able to enjoy life. But no, God decided that she needed another test. Mom was angry too. We went to church together, and it was tough to get through-for both of us. We just sat and stared at a painting of Jesus above the altar, waiting for something to hit us so we would finally understand why this was happening. But nothing came. At that point I was no longer mad but indifferent. I almost did not go to communion for fear of feeling like a hypocrite, but something turned on inside of me, and I realized that no matter how angry I was, I could never say that God didn't exist. I could be mad and let him know that I was mad, but then I could turn around and ask for strength and support and know that I will be heard.

I believe that my son will be the saving grace for both of us. Don't get me wrong, my husband has been nothing but supportive through all this, and I am happy that I don't have to go through this alone like before, but Hayden is the ray of sunshine when my world is dim. His energy is boundless and his love is unconditional. I am blessed to have such a loving son, with a wonderfully even temper and great personality. Not to mention so cute you just want to eat him up! He is the apple of my mom's eye-she looks forward to the days she spends with Hayden, and misses him when he is not there. He will be the one to get us through this, and he won't even know it. All he has to do is be himself.

Thought of the day

No matter what one does, whether one's deeds serve virtue or vice, nothing lacks importance. All actions bear a kind of fruit. -Buddha

Quote of the Day

"The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously."

-Nicholas Butler

My new potential tattoo

I first encountered the "lovebirds" at the Highland Games about 3 years ago. There was a vendor who was striking pendants with whatever design he had available. After watching this demonstration for a few minutes I knew I had to have one. Now this contraption was something to see. A big man in a kilt cranked a huge weight up to the top of this striking device, put the design and the blank medal in their appropriate spot, rang a bell, yelled "STRIKING!" and released the weight, which came down with a thunk (kind like the sound of a hammer hitting an anvil). You have to see it to appreciate it. Anyway, I picked a double sided pendant with a chinese dragon on one side and a pacific northwest symbol for the "lovebirds" on the other. The lovebirds of course symbolized me and Doug and the chinese dragon represented strength.

As I contemplate my next tattoo, I want something that was a happy symbol and not the one of angst that I currently have. Now some people would look at a sun with a yinyang in the middle as something positive-but when I got it my life was filled with angst. The sun with the yinyang for me represented strength and balance that I needed at that time of my life. Something I felt was sorely missing. Your first boyfriend breaks up with you while your mother is in the hospital undergoing a triple bypass (which he just called another sugery-jackass), and no one there to support you, to help you get through it. At that time, both my mom and then boyfriend were against tattoos-so as part of my coming of age-I decided to get one. My cousin Belinda was my accomplice-as she was the one that took me to the Purple Panther Tattoo parlor on Sunset Blvd to get my tattoo. She knew I was emotional at the time, but didn't ask questions, just supported what ever I wanted to do (bless her heart). So we walked in, picked my design, the guy drew it out for me, it was exactly what I wanted, and got it done. My mother came out of the surgery just fine, and I had my sense of peace and balance. I finally did something for myself. She did notice about 2 weeks later, and didn't blow a gasket. She said that it was already there, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was grateful that it was on my back, so it didn't show all the time (just when I chose to show it).

Well, that was about 6-7 years ago. Now I am at a point where I have achieved my strengh and balance. I am happily married and mom to the best little boy in the world. His chaos brings balance to my life, and makes me get my priorities straight.

The tattoo bug has hit me again. I need a happy tat now. So the lovebirds design I found will be the next one. I will also get my existing one retouched so I can have happy memories when I look at it.

This version of the lovebirds I found on the jewelry site of David Morgan came with the background. I am paraphrasing-so I might not have it exactly right- but there were two tribes in the Pacific Northwest that have two main clans-one represented by the eagle and the other by the raven. These two tribes were traditionally not supposed to intermarry, but do, so symbols interlinking the eagle and raven are traditionally given to the marrying couples. I feel this appropriate for me since my marriage is a mixed marriage in a few different ways. Doug is of Irish/Swedish descent (also kn own as Caucasion)and I am Pilipino/Spanish/Chinese descent (also known as Asian-Pacific Islander). Not only that, Doug is Methodist and I am Catholic-which also is called a mixed marriage. So traditionally in two ways we were not supposed to intermarry-but to hell with tradition...

Photo credit: David Morgan

Quote of the Day

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes" -Oscar Wilde

Pissed Off Song List

Here are the songs that I like to listen too when I am incredibly pissed off or really stressed (in no particular order):

-My Give a Damn's Busted (Jo Dee Messina)
-U and UR Hand (P!nk)
-Good Bye Earl (Dixie Chicks)
-Anything by Linkin Park