Now we wait....I hate to wait

Waiting is not one of my best traits-I am known for my impatience. Just tell me now, I need it now, I want it now. Hayden is the same way-but he's just 2. This does not bode well as both Doug and I are not known for patience-although parenthood has helped us improve a lot.

I had my biopsy today-I was face down on a table for an hour as a probe took samples for testing. The last time I was facedown on a table for that long I was getting my second tattoo done-it was more painful in that there was no anestesia-but I guess my tolerance for pain is quite high since I almost fell asleep. Not this time. All the noises, everything happening underneath you so you can't see anything. I also couldn't move-not one muscle, or they would have to start the process all over again.

Lucky for me I was cooperative and everything went off without a hitch.

Now we wait, I hate to wait. Especially for news like this-which is potentialy life changing. Funny-in times of severe emotional stress, I tend to want to subject myself to pain-the pain of tatttoos. Ask Belinda, she'll tell you about my first tattoo. My mom was going through triple by-pass surgery, my then boyfriend (now my bastard ex-boyfriend who really doesn't deserve this much space) broke up with me that same night. I was a wreck. Belinda knew it but supported me anyway. I told her-I'm getting a tattoo tonight and you're coming with me. All she said was-"kay"... I don't regret it, I love my tattoo-but it needs to be reworked a bit.

My second tattoo happened when my mom was going through her breast surgery-mastectomy and lumpectomy. My sister from Seattle was here and we in solidarity for my mom got pink ribbon tattos-mine has angel wings, and hers has a seahorse holding a pink ribbon in it's tail.

Now the waiting for the biopsy (the procedure itself scared the hell out of me), and waiting for the results is driving me crazy. I don't want to stress eat anymore-as I need to lose weight. (It doesn't help that I work walking distance from Sprinkles and Crumbs). I really don't want to take up smoking again-as I don't want to jeopardize my health that way-so I am feeling the need for some ink. It's calorie free and won't mess up my lungs.

I think I will wait-as I don't want to do something permanent on a whim and have it turn out really crappy. Besides-Sandy wants to go with me so I'll wait.

I think I'll get a babysitter for Friday night, go to the shooting range (yes, guns) and rent some big toys and shoot the hell out of some paper. Then go to Panns for some fried chicken...

Thanks so much to all of you who have sent me good thoughts and well wishes. This has helped me more than you will ever know.

I should know the results in a couple of days....until then I have to wait.

I may have cancer....

Mammograms are a blessing and a curse. On one hand they are good for early detection or any detection of the possibility of cancer. On the other hand-they can bring either good news or bad news.

My latest mammogram has showed that I have something going on on the right side-but can not determine for sure if the spots are good or bad. So I have to submit to a biopsy (steriotactic core biopsy to be exact) to determine if the spots they see are good ones or bad ones.

The procedure itself is complicated in that I have to lie face down on a table with my boob hanging down, then compressed, then a "needle" inserted to take samples to be sent to the lab. I am not looking forward to the procedure, but the waiting for the results is going to be hell. If they come back negative-great news! But that does not mean that I am in the clear. They may want to remove the bad area anyway, just in case, because later on the good can turn into the bad. If it's bad news-then surgery for sure, and then follow up. At this stage, he prognosis would be good, as I was not feeling any lumps or bumps-so if cancer it would be caught early. I am worried, I have been stress eating, and have only had 1 cigarette (quite an accomplishment!). My family is being very supportive, and my mom especially has been a help, since she is a breast cancer survivor. Her first battle had her in remission for 15 years, the second battle, although more advanced, has also been won, and now she is in remission again.

This time the tables are turned and she is the one telling me that everything will be ok, and we will get through it no matter what the news.

So that's the short story-I find out by the end of the week if I have the big "C".

It also does't help that my beloved dog Olie-whom we have had for over 10 years seems to be on the decline. He is having seizures, and my mom is just beside herself. The dogs are like her family and losing Olie now would be devasating.

I consider this to be the 2nd and 3rd in the bad things happen in 3's, as I would consider my mom's recurrence of cancer to be the first.

As Porky Pig would say, that's all folks!

I'll update as warranted...